This post is a rerun. I post occasional reruns as a kindness to myself and to unearth old posts for new readers. You can read about reruns, too.
Today’s rerun is Try, Hard. I started a new job this week. A job that I’m really excited about. A job that I’m incredibly proud of. The perfect job at which to try hard (that is, to actually try hard) and the classic period in a new job (that is, the beginning) where it’s easy to be a try-hard.
Everyone wants to do a good job. I really want to do a good job. I want my manager and team to be proud that they hired me. I want to show that I really care, that I work hard, and that no mistakes were made when inviting me to join the team. That’s all well and good, of course, but (for better or worse) I’m also what I like to call “a human being.”
Human beings are great. Like, they’re so great. They’re resourceful and creative and resilient and kind. They also want to be liked, and to fit in, and to receive praise. We (why did I say they?) want to share good news, and to do so often. These are all wonderful qualities too.
The challenge is (at least for me; at least in the past) that it’s incredibly easy to let the combination of all of those qualities turn you into a total try-hard. You might not even know you’re doing it! It just… happens. Suddenly, you’re being a good boy for the head pats.
Today (yesterday; this week/month; indefinitely) I’ve been taking a beat right before I take action. I’ve asked myself whether I’m about to do [the thing] because it’s useful and necessary, or because it might look superficially good to someone. Performance vs. performative.
Am I asking all of these questions to look like a very good question-asker or because I genuinely want/need the answers?
Am I expanding on this document because there’s more value to add, or because quantity might be a (poor) proxy for quality?
Am I scheduling time with all of these folks because I want to connect and learn, or just to give them that impression?
It’s such a small moment and a simple reframing, but it’s totally helped me to make sure that I’m doing things for the right reasons. It’s helped me to feel as though I’m being my genuine self, rather than a caricature of myself that lasts for just a few weeks.
I’m fortunate to be surrounded by the most wonderful colleagues and collaborators in the world. People who are authentic, and deserve authenticity in return. People who work hard, and who I want to work hard alongside—because we’re all in this together.
To try hard—really, to care—is both wonderful and rewarding, to try-hard is not. There are no winners in the world of try-hards—but when you try hard, together? That means you’ve already won.