When I wrote (half-jokingly) about being a good boy, I left out my commentary, which is: for me, in the way that it manifests in me specifically1, it’s generally not a good thing to indulge in.

Unless I’m unique in this, the temptation to be seen as a good boy is so very strong, but only ever seems to result in compromise and crappy work. Doing things quickly almost always makes you a good boy, for example, even if you make total shit.

Being stubborn, by contrast, is almost always seen as bad, or annoying, or disobedient. What are we to do if we have strong conviction though? A good boy would roll over and accept the belly rub. It’s a trap, don’t accept every belly rub.

If your role in life (and especially at work) was simply to make people like you, this would obviously be a perfectly reasonable thing to do. If your goal was to make people happy, it might seem like the right thing to do. Rarely are either of those your role though—or anyone’s role.

I’d argue that a seemingly-similar but actually-quite-different approach is simply to try hard. Not be seen as a try-hard maybe, but to actually, properly try hard—to really try, very hard.

They sound similar because a try-hard often tries to make people like them, or tries to make people superficially and usually-temporarily happy. To actually try hard though means to try doing the right thing, and to be stubborn in your resolve to actually do it.

Sometimes trying hard doesn’t work out. Some cultures celebrate the good boy and the try-hard. Sometimes they actively resent those trying hard. I think that it’s worth trying even harder in these cases, but perhaps at some place that actually wants you to. In some places, trying hard is celebrated, and not only in hindsight.

Whenever I feel the pull to be a good boy, I try to ask myself whether I want to try hard or if I’m just being a try-hard. For me at least, it takes consistent effort to avoid simply being a good boy for the belly rubs, but it’s worth the effort.

Making good work sometimes requires being stubborn, having conviction, and (frankly) just being a bit of a nause.

Being a good boy requires no such resolve.

  1. That is to say, I’m obviously not accusing the wonderful Ira Glass of interpreting this phrase or idea in the way that I’m doing here, I’m simply using it as a cheap way to say what I was already going to say. ↩