Vaguely nautical outfit. Fire-engine light-up trainers. No-brand navy tracksuit. Neon orange Kappa tracksuit. Nondescript black pumps from Shoe Zone. Grey-trousers, white-shirt, striped-tie primary school uniform. Camouflage cargo trousers. Green and blue rugby shirt. Tights with a tail sewn on to play a cat in the school play. Zip-up school shoes. Bow tie. Leather jacket. Bow tie with a leather jacket. Christmas jumper that I thought my grandma made herself. Brown foam and Cub Scout jumper to play a tree in the school play. Blue parka. Sister’s school skirt when pretending to be Right Said Fred. Black-pants, blue-shirt, black-blazer high school uniform. Wide jeans. Wolf shirt. Bootleg Slipknot hoodie from the market that said “my plaque” instead of “my plague” in the track list. Earring. Mohawk dyed blonde. T-shirt with both long and short sleeves somehow. A clown costume (for some reason) to play a munchkin in the school play. Cargo trousers that unzipped to become cargo shorts. Tightest jeans from Topshop (not Topman). Black nail polish. Eyeliner. Formal shoes with skinny jeans (no idea). Mosher hair dyed black. Emo fringe dyed blonde, then red. Buzz cut dyed blonde. Ear stretcher (in one ear only). Nose ring. Snake bites. An expression of aloof malaise to fit in. Shame. Pride. Embarrassment. Bravado.