We didn’t go on many vacations when I was young, but the ones that we did go on I remember fondly. We’d stay in a caravan in Wales, a tent in Cornwall, or a tent (again) in Wales (again). I liked those vacations, but the one that struck me so strongly was staying in a hotel in Paddington, London. I’d never experienced anything like it, and I was in love.
I barely remember any of the specifics, but I remember the feeling. I still get that feeling when I think about London now. Deep in my stomach, a fluttering that feels like it could make my whole body start shaking with awe and joy. A bit over the top? Maybe, but that’s how I felt as a young boy in London for the first time, and it’s how I feel today.
I decided in that moment that I’d move to London when I grew up. That I’d experience this feeling every day. I imagined a lot of things as a kid that didn’t come true though, and I don’t know if I really believed that this would happen—but I painfully wanted it to. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It felt like home more than my hometown did.
When I was old enough to afford it and to travel on my own, I’d catch the train to London by myself. I’d walk for miles, catch the tube, and ride the top deck of the bus—right at the front. I’d go everywhere, but I’d always end at the same place: Trafalgar Square. Sitting on the steps in front of the National Gallery filled me up with fluttering.
Occasionally I’d drag a friend along with me, and I’d take them to all of the same places. I’d sit with them on the steps of Trafalgar Square. I don’t know if they felt the same feeling that I did, but I like to imagine that they did. That it would be impossible not to. That this place is simply magic and casts a spell on anyone who walks into its midst.
A few months into a whirlwind romance (with the incredible woman who would somehow agree to marry me), we decided to move to London. It was finally happening. I still didn’t have any money to my name, but that didn’t matter. We were going on an adventure. We moved into a tiny room in a tiny flat right next to Hackney Central.
We stayed in that flat for about a year before the landlord decided to move back in, but that year felt like 10 wonderful years. I grew up in that one year. We grew up together. I got a new job at a startup, I grew a terrible mustache, and I plucked up the courage to propose (fortunately for me, through initially-ambiguous tears, she said yes).
In what I hope is a sign of my sheer commitment and not my poor planning, I decided that the day leading up to the proposal would be spent entirely outside. Under an overcast sky we rowed on the Serpentine, rode horseback side-by-side, and spread a wonderful picnic out on the grass—all in my favorite park in London: Hyde Park.
Fast-forward a few months and we’re living in another (slightly bigger) room in a (much bigger) house share. We moved our small bundle of belongings there in a shopping trolley from Tesco, because we moved less than 5 minutes walk up the road—near London Fields. We were saving for our wedding and turning this city into our home.
I still can’t believe this next part is actually true, but our wedding took place a few months later inside the Barbican Conservatory. One of our favorite places in this wonderful city, and soon to be the backdrop as we agreed to spend our lives together. A great huge concrete wall, covered top to bottom in the most wonderful plants you’ve ever seen.
This place—this city—that I’d dreamt about since I was a small boy sharing a hotel room with his parents and sisters, it was home. It held so many of the largest moments in my life. It filled me with that fluttering feeling every time I stepped out of the door. It cradled me and my wife and our relationship as we discovered ourselves—together.
I’ll skip the rest for now, suffice to say this wonderful place forever lives in my heart and in that deep part of my stomach. I live thousands of miles away today, but London will never stop feeling like home. I’m lucky to feel that way about a couple of places now, but London was the first. It was a literal dream come true, and I’m still in love.